When you were born 5 years ago,
your mom and dad were high.
They named you “heaven” backwards
and it makes me want to cry.
I want to say I’m sorry,
for you will never be
a CEO or president,
named so stupidly.
They tried to be creative
and shun the status quo.
And now the name will haunt you
wherever you may go.
As your teacher, I can’t do much
to help your sorry state.
But know that you can change it
before it gets too late.
For now I’ll mark you present
with Braeydynn, Jhett, and Graeyse.
And weep into my drink at night
so I can look you in the face.
When it comes to naming children,
please stop before you do.
It’s their lives that you’re screwing.
Take time to think it through.